Tomorrow I launch out in a new adventure. I get to be the “Listener” at the Leadership Institute for Group Discernment, held at Camp Tilikum outside of Newberg. For four days and nights, 27 Christians from around the country will gather to listen to each other and God, and try to come closer to an understanding of what it means to be the people of a God who walks with us and talks with us.
Early this year, the director of
the Institute invited me to be the Listener for this particular gathering. This
was my first encounter with that term, and I noted that the “L” was upper-case.
Not listener, but Listener. The director, also my friend, Jan, described the
role in her invitation: “This person immerses himself/herself in all of
the conference--and then presents on Thursday morning as a summation of our
time together. We expect the Listener to bring forth themes that seem to
be important, to add or highlight things that the Spirit has been working in
the Listener, to weave together the textures of the gathering, etc.”
After my initial delight at being invited, the
doubts began rolling in. Was this really something I could do? Since this is a
common pattern upon receiving an invitation—enthusiasm followed by fear—I knew
that I should sit with the possibility, talk it over with Hal, pray and wait
for the Spirit’s nudge. Hal pointed out that the fact that I regularly wait for
the Spirit’s nudge, and usually recognize it when it comes, indicated I might
be able to fulfill the role. So I accepted the invitation, partly because I
want to be the kind of person who can listen like that and who can lead other
people in community listening. But I suspect that I’m still at the stage of
being a lower-case listener, rather than a Listener. There’s lots of room for
growth.
And growth is one thing I pray for in this conference—for
me and for all of us as a gathered community.
I’m very aware that listening for God’s voice
in a group of human beings is not easy or automatic. I’m recognizing the
context of my real life that I will be bringing with me to the conference.
Currently I’m in the middle of several community discernment processes, one of
which is difficult but going well, and one of which can only be described as an
agonizing struggle. At the heart of both processes is the desire to discern
what God is saying.
One of the riskiest aspects of this assignment
is that I make a presentation to the group on the last morning of the
conference, and I have a whole hour in which to do it. But I can’t prepare. My
slate is blank, which is way beyond what I’m comfortable with. (Don’t criticize
that last sentence, please. I strongly affirm that you can so end a
sentence with a preposition! But that’s another subject.)
Actually, my slate is not blank. And I am
preparing. The very life situations I bring with me are an important part of
the slate. Writing this blog is preparation, as is the prayer that precedes it.
And for some reason, I’m not afraid. I’m looking forward to what God will say,
through us and to us. I sense the Spirit faithfully making me into a listener.
Maybe someday I’ll even be an upper-case
Listener. Maybe I won’t. It’s not mine to worry about.
(Did you catch that other frisky
preposition that I just ended another sentence with?)
I've read this more than once, and prayed often for you these days. Do update please. What a calling and what a gift! Thank you for being willing to embody 2 Corinthians 1:3-5.
ReplyDeleteI will try to blog on the experience this next week. It was so positive, but I'm exhausted. And happy.
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